Social and You 101 - Text Body Language

Need to Know Definitions

Body Language: Nonverbal communication through use of gestures, posture and facial cues.

Virtual Body Language: Text based cues within sentence structure, be it grammar, punctuation, capitalization or speed of response, that implies emotion and intent to a reader.

Emote: To portray emotion.

Emoticon: A representation of facial expressions formed by various combinations of keyboard characters, used to convey tone and emotion. For example - :> or :<

Chat Abbreviations: Acronyms and slang terms used to shorten text as well as to convey emotional response to a situation. Example - lol! or wtf?

How does Virtual Body Language Work?

To first understand how body language in the digital world works, we need to take a quick refresher on what 'Real World Body Language' is. When you talk to someone, you have the luxury of not only sight, but sound. You hear what the other person says, can distinguish tone and from there, be able to correctly judge the individuals emotive stance. Higher pitched tones could be excitement or distress, while lower pitched tones could be indifference or anger.

Tone alone, however, is not enough to accurately determine someones mood during a conversation. One must also take into account the physical aspect of the discussion. Are they crossing their arms? They might be defensive. Is their head tilted? The conversation is probably one of interest to them. Smiling? They're enjoying themselves! Furrowed brow? Perhaps they're thinking. It's a lot to interpret in a short amount of time, but the more you deal with people, especially the same people, the easier it becomes to interpret their 'body language' and audible cues.

But what about in a text based conversation? An email or instant message? Without the ability to hear the other person speak, we can't get emotive cues. Without seeing them, we can't see posture or changes in expression. So how is it possible to accurately judge the meaning of what someone is saying?

Well, in much the way physical posture can be an indicator, 'text' posture can do the same. Now you might be asking yourself 'What the hell is text posture?'. Text posture is, in short, the formatting of a block of text. A good example of this is post length.

Short posts can imply an angry or annoyed stance, or maybe that they're tired. If the posts are verbose, it's indicative that the person is happy or excited, bouncy in a way.

But what about emotions? How can we read emotions in a text based conversation? A good starting point is in punctuation and capitalization. Here are some examples.

Ellipses -

The full ellipse (...) - When paired with words, a full ellipse replaces a comma or presents an incomplete thought or statement. When there is nothing posted except a full ellipse all by it's lonesome, it implies speechlessness, which could be good or bad. This person has seen what was written and is trying to think of something to say but all they can do is stare, slack-jawed at the screen!

The partial ellipse (..) - Displays hesitation, uncertainty, wariness, or general upset and dismay. A partial ellipse by its lonesome implies a negative speechlessness. This person is so upset they don't know how to respond. This is their way to show you they have seen what you've written and can't respond. It's usually negative in intonation.

People often use them interchangeably, so understanding which definition is being used depends wholly on the person your speaking to.

Punctuation -

Complete lack - No punctuation at all can be indicative of sadness or depression, or simply being lazy.

Lack of punctuation with frequent misspellings/ typos - This often indicates the person writing is in a state of extreme emotion, more often than not of the negative fashion. The person is perhaps so angry their fingers are hitting the wrong keys, or that they might be crying and as such can't see their keyboard properly.

Capitalization -

Complete lack - A lack of punctuation can either indicate laziness, can indicate a hasty response, or that the person is upset and feeling 'down', and thus is showing it through 'lowercase' letters.

ALL CAPS - We all jokingly call all caps the 'cruise control to cool', but when writing in all capital letters, two things can be determined from it. Either the person is extremely happy (OMG THATS AMAZING!) or they are extremely upset (WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!). You will likely know the difference based on the context of the conversation at hand, so be certain to pay attention to it.

Posting speed -

Rapidfire - Quick, one-line postings signal energy, whether it's anger or excitement and happiness, this person is energetic and wants attention for it. (Not to imply an attention whore, this person is just very animated about their topic, and they want to animate you about it, as well!)

Slow - This sort of posting style could mean the person is either distracted, or is having a hard time thinking of the right way to say something. Conversely, they might just be a slow typer!

Conversation Aids

Most conversations, outside of business delegations, are held in an informal setting. As such, people will use certain words that won't often be used elsewhere. Such words can often indicate a sense of closeness with the other person, or just that they're comfortable talking to them. (Nicknames, pet names, jokingly using cuss words, etc.)


You are just as likely to make someone unsettled or uncomfortable as you are to make them feel appreciated. Saying 'It's okay, lov' or 'Oh honey' might seem like endearment or a kindness to you, but it might throw someone else off. If it does throw you off, tell the other person! Give them a chance to explain, and if it still bothers you, ask them to stop. If you are asked to stop, be courteous and do so.

Emotes and emoticons are ways to also aid in understanding the emotional tone of a conversations. Emoting hugging someone when they're down can be a way to show caring or understanding, for example. These types of conversations aids, however, must be used sparingly. If you don't know the person well, they can be take the wrong way and accidentally come off as sketchy and make the other person uncomfortable.

Emoticons are things like smiley faces, and are easy indicators if someone is happy, upset or concerned. Do note that abuse of them can cause irritation. Like all things, there is a time and place.

Text abbreviations, often seen in SMS messages (Phone texts) or instant messaging, can help add detail to a mood. Such abbreviations like 'lol' (laugh out loud), 'omfg' (Oh my fucking god) or 'lmao' (laugh my ass off) can help indicate your mood or response to another persons input. Again, use sparingly. Some people are irked by 'improper grammar' use online, and like the use of emoticons, overuse can cause a conflict. Time and place is ever a key.

Writing Styles

Every person will write differently. Some are honest in the way they write, because that's just how they are - They write in the same manner that they speak. Some people are very formal, being extremely polite, implying they see you as a figure of authority or want to make a good impression. Some people are shy, and the way they write will seem timid - They're more quiet than not, and trying to talk to them can sometimes be difficult and frustrating until they find a comfort zone. Some people talk a lot, or are overly expressive, have habits of oversharing, or simply crave attention. If people show discomfort in what you are saying, consider the what, how, and who you are saying it to.

The only way to really learn these intricacies is to talk to a person a great deal. The more you talk to someone, the more you'll pick up on their text clues, just like how you can pick up on audible cues and mannerisms based on posture.

Hopefully this and other writeups on the boards on how to deal with social nuances will help make your time in the community more enjoyable.